If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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