Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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