I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
