I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is it because I queefed?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
