It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm passing your future prison.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
