wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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