i barfeds in our rink
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
