Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize