Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
