We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
