1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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