I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
