my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
