Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think i have two assholes
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
