I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
