He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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