well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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