I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
