I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
