so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
