My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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