i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
