Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
