and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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