I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
