Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
