So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Four minutes until I can fart!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
