Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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