Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
