dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
