Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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