I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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