If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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