I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
