New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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