If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My penis needs a shock collar
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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