guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
