Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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