Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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