I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize