I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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