I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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