I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
