Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
