You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
