Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize