i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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