so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You are the jesus of drinking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we're so committed to being not committed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
