Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm both gender and math confused
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
