i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
