Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
