On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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