Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
