I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
