I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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