She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
