OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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