Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
