his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
