My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
