I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
