Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
