Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
