Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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