One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
