My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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