I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
