Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
