apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
