You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
