The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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