Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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