No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
