I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
