im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
