Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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