No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
