Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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