I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize