Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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