i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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