Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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