I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
