I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
