god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The air was thick with penises
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
