Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
