the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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