You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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