he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
