maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
