Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
