i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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