My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
