he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
