you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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