just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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