Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
