Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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