8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
