During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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