Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
