a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
