My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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