woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize