he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
