can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
