Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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