He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
