After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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