i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize