i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
