hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize