at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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