I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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