they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
