One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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