Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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